A counsellor who was once thrown out of the karate club he grew up in on why rejection hurts, why it hurts longer than an injury, and the story you attach to it that does the real damage.

A counsellor who still flinches when he skips a word reading aloud on where the inner critic comes from, why telling yourself you're wonderful can make it worse, and what the trials actually found.

A counsellor whose mother left when he was five on anticipatory grief, the grief for someone alive and gone, and the one thing the research found that helps.

A counsellor and psychotherapist who teaches the difference to students on why the label tells you less than the register, and what the research says actually predicts whether therapy works.

A counsellor in his sixties who retrained at 45 on why the slump after fifty isn't the age, why motivation arrives after you move, and what to rebuild first.

A Milton Keynes counsellor on why the yes comes out before you've decided, why the people asking can't feel your no, and the one substitution that starts to change it.

The five stages were never based on bereaved people, and the one study that tested them found acceptance was the commonest feeling from the first month. Grief moves back and forth, not forward.

A Milton Keynes counsellor who was told he'd failed his black belt grading with four fighters on the floor, on where "imposter syndrome" came from, why the number everyone quotes is made up, and what to do with the feeling.